There are different issues for different kinds of flying. I have a few basic observations here about the habits various pilot groups.
Private pilots:
Make excuses to wife why flying there is a better idea (on smooth days only).
Start an excuse start with 'It wouldn't be safe'.
Call every FBO enroute to get prices on avgas.
Attend FAA seminars and ask about their mistakes by saying 'I heard about a guy....'
Tell friends how they can fly them there for 'gas money'.
Tell stories of their misdeeds with the opening 'I heard about a guy....'
Wear WW2 bomber jackets and look very cool in sunglasses.
Corporate pilots:
Look very cool in sunglasses.
Always blame ATC.
Keep the plane spotlessly clean.
Pack a Speedo.
Check their hair in mirror.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
Airline pilots:
Make sure their tie is straight and shirt is tucked in.
Never piss off the flight attendant who makes their coffee.
Take the smoothest altitude as there are often fragile old people in the back.
Ask for PIREPs because one report is worth 1,000 forecasts.
Take Febreeze since they plan to use the same uniform on a 4 day trip,
Shave the night before because nothing hurts their image like paper bits on their face.
Put 5% of their pay in furlough fund.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
US Army Pilots:
Fly below 50 feet and near obstacles.
Locate dangerous areas.
Deploy troops or kill bad guys in dangerous areas.
Curse bitterly when bad guys shoot at their expensive helicopter.
Flyout on a different route wearing a flak vest but no parachute.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
US Air Force Rules:
Look very cool in sunglasses while having a cocktail.
Adjust temperature on the air-conditioner at the Hilton or Marriott.
See what's on HBO (hopefully Top Gun).
Ask 'What is a dogfight?'
Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
Use a pilot in New Mexico, flying a drone 10,000 miles away over Iraq, to drop bombs on bad guys 200 yards from the Army.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
US Navy Pilots:
Go to Sea.
Drink Coffee.
Fly MIGCAP while deploying the Marines.
Bomb bad guys who get close to Marines.
Trap on carrier then drink coffee
Watch 'Top Gun'.
Lament the retirement of the F-14.
Watch 'Top Gun' again.
Look very cool in sunglasses while drinking more coffee.
Marine Pilots:
Bomb bad guys who get even closer to Marines.
Steal spare parts from the Navy.
Work out.
Rag on Navy for thier 'purdy white uniforms'.
Work out again.
Cheer the retirement of the F-14.
Work out more while Looking very cool in sunglasses.
Coast Guard pilots:
Go out in weather that got others in trouble.
Find those others in trouble and fish them out.
Try to find their way back to land while looking very cool in sunglasses.
Ag Pilots (Crop Dusters):
Apply chemicals on what is hopefully the right field
Try not to hit anything.
Look very cool in sunglasses while sweating through their clothes.
CFIs (instructor pilots):
Cannot afford sunglasses
Student Pilots:
Are prohibited from wearing sunglasses or even trying to look cool until successful completion of checkride.
Say what you mean and mean what you say!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
All Quiet on the Eastern Front!
I flew four revenue airline legs full of passengers on 9-11-10, one of them into New York (actually it was White Plains-Westchester county about 20 miles northwest of the city, but it is New York!). Yes, the mighty Nine-Eleven did not even slow down business in the aviation trade. In fact it was quite brisk.
What does this tell us? That Americans are resilient, hard to scare and dare I actually say.....going on with their lives without these terrorist cretans in the front of our minds? Yeah, pretty much. America has done a fair job of putting the islamo-fascists on their heels. It is a might harder to export terror when you are afraid to come out of your cave for fear of a Predator drone 'lighting you up'. It also helps that any moron who jumps up with a box opener or tries to breach the cockpit door is likely to get his head handed to him (I am not being metaphorical here).
All in all, it was a quiet day on the east coast of America. Good weather prevailed and I even had a cordial chat with the Cuban air traffic controllers on the Cancun round trip out of Ft. Lauderdale (it takes us through Cuban airspace over the Gulf of Mexico). In fact three of my four flights were international. Nassau - Ft. Lauderdale - Cancun - Ft. Lauderdale - White Plains, NY or in airline parlance:
NAS-FLL, FLL-CUN, CUN-FLL, FLL-HPN.
The next morning we had the Oh-dark-thirty departure. The sun was just cresting the horizon as we taxied out and I was able to get a beautiful shot of the sunrise over Jamaica Bay and JFK as we climbed out towards Orlando.
New York City was still alseep this early on a Sunday morning. Sleeping safe and sound under the blanket of security provided by countless people both in and out of uniform. Sharp, dedicated people who stay alert and stand ready to what deeds may be required of them in the name of a common cause. Freedom. Thanks to them, and all who support them, it was all quiet on the eastern front.
What does this tell us? That Americans are resilient, hard to scare and dare I actually say.....going on with their lives without these terrorist cretans in the front of our minds? Yeah, pretty much. America has done a fair job of putting the islamo-fascists on their heels. It is a might harder to export terror when you are afraid to come out of your cave for fear of a Predator drone 'lighting you up'. It also helps that any moron who jumps up with a box opener or tries to breach the cockpit door is likely to get his head handed to him (I am not being metaphorical here).
All in all, it was a quiet day on the east coast of America. Good weather prevailed and I even had a cordial chat with the Cuban air traffic controllers on the Cancun round trip out of Ft. Lauderdale (it takes us through Cuban airspace over the Gulf of Mexico). In fact three of my four flights were international. Nassau - Ft. Lauderdale - Cancun - Ft. Lauderdale - White Plains, NY or in airline parlance:
NAS-FLL, FLL-CUN, CUN-FLL, FLL-HPN.
The next morning we had the Oh-dark-thirty departure. The sun was just cresting the horizon as we taxied out and I was able to get a beautiful shot of the sunrise over Jamaica Bay and JFK as we climbed out towards Orlando.
New York City was still alseep this early on a Sunday morning. Sleeping safe and sound under the blanket of security provided by countless people both in and out of uniform. Sharp, dedicated people who stay alert and stand ready to what deeds may be required of them in the name of a common cause. Freedom. Thanks to them, and all who support them, it was all quiet on the eastern front.
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