Make excuses to wife why flying there is a better idea (on smooth days only).
Start an excuse start with 'It wouldn't be safe'.
Call every FBO enroute to get prices on avgas.
Attend FAA seminars and ask about their mistakes by saying 'I heard about a guy....'
Tell friends how they can fly them there for 'gas money'.
Tell stories of their misdeeds with the opening 'I heard about a guy....'
Wear WW2 bomber jackets and look very cool in sunglasses.
Corporate pilots:
Look very cool in sunglasses.
Always blame ATC.
Keep the plane spotlessly clean.
Pack a Speedo.
Check their hair in mirror.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
Airline pilots:
Make sure their tie is straight and shirt is tucked in.
Never piss off the flight attendant who makes their coffee.
Take the smoothest altitude as there are often fragile old people in the back.
Ask for PIREPs because one report is worth 1,000 forecasts.
Take Febreeze since they plan to use the same uniform on a 4 day trip,
Shave the night before because nothing hurts their image like paper bits on their face.
Put 5% of their pay in furlough fund.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
US Army Pilots:
Fly below 50 feet and near obstacles.
Locate dangerous areas.
Deploy troops or kill bad guys in dangerous areas.
Curse bitterly when bad guys shoot at their expensive helicopter.
Flyout on a different route wearing a flak vest but no parachute.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
US Air Force Rules:
Look very cool in sunglasses while having a cocktail.
Adjust temperature on the air-conditioner at the Hilton or Marriott.
See what's on HBO (hopefully Top Gun).
Ask 'What is a dogfight?'
Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
Use a pilot in New Mexico, flying a drone 10,000 miles away over Iraq, to drop bombs on bad guys 200 yards from the Army.
Look very cool in sunglasses.
US Navy Pilots:
Go to Sea.
Drink Coffee.
Fly MIGCAP while deploying the Marines.
Bomb bad guys who get close to Marines.
Trap on carrier then drink coffee
Watch 'Top Gun'.
Lament the retirement of the F-14.
Watch 'Top Gun' again.
Look very cool in sunglasses while drinking more coffee.
Marine Pilots:
Bomb bad guys who get even closer to Marines.
Steal spare parts from the Navy.
Work out.
Rag on Navy for thier 'purdy white uniforms'.
Work out again.
Cheer the retirement of the F-14.
Work out more while Looking very cool in sunglasses.
Coast Guard pilots:
Go out in weather that got others in trouble.
Find those others in trouble and fish them out.
Try to find their way back to land while looking very cool in sunglasses.
Ag Pilots (Crop Dusters):
Apply chemicals on what is hopefully the right field
Try not to hit anything.
Look very cool in sunglasses while sweating through their clothes.
CFIs (instructor pilots):
Cannot afford sunglasses
Student Pilots:
Are prohibited from wearing sunglasses or even trying to look cool until successful completion of checkride.
From an old broken down Pilot and Flight Instructor, you are correct about CFI's not being able to afford sunglasses. These days I just about able to afford a car!
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