Say what you mean and mean what you say!



Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The New Airport Massage Security System

And we're off:  This is my bailiwick as I am an airline pilot and my best friend is the head of access control at a major airport.  We have had some animated discussions about this.  Before I get in to guts of this thing I want emphasize that I am not taking a side but simply reporting some facts.  I'll get into my opinion in the section called 'my opinion'. This first part could be called: What most folks do not know:
First of all there is no 4th amendment issue.  Airports are government property just like military bases and, although unbeknownst to most people, you consent to search of your vehicle and person by merely driving onto airport property,  This is settled law that had been through the judicial ringer repeatedly.  The courts have ruled that you have entered voluntarily and have given tacit consent.
The sterile area definitely has no privacy expectations thereby rendering the 4th amendment moot.
The searches are same-sex only and private screenings are supposed to be available but you must request them.
The inconsistency in airport security requirements is due to each airport manager having considerable options in deciding what he wants done at his/her airport.
Most people also do not know that once you enter the security queue you are required by regulation to complete it.  Backing out once you get to the head of the line is not allowed HOWEVER TSA personnel have NO DETENTION AUTHORITY.  They can call the cops but they themselves have zero authority to detain you.  They are not law enforcement officers, they are 'federal employees', not cops.
There is something called Crew Pass that would allow crews to circumvent security but it cost money and the airlines have largely rejected it claiming costs but the reality is that it is a chip in their bag to use at employee contract negotiations.
At most airports bag handlers do not go through security.  Go figure, the college educated, highly trained, thoroughly background checked pilots with everything to live for, get the pat down but the $9 per hour bag smasher hired off of the street can slip through the bag room unchecked.
The Backscatter X-Ray supposedly has less radiation than you get looking out the window at 30,000 feet.  Dunno if I believe that but that's the official line. The face is blurred and no record of the image is kept unless something is found.
WHY?
THE X-ray catches stuff that will get past a metal detector (ceramic weapons & contraband). One of the things it has been good at catching is smuggled narcotics.  Certain animals as well (and yes there was a snake being trafficked  under a shirt; relax, it was just a Boa Constrictor).
OPINION:
Until everyone goes through security it is just a dog and pony show to make people feel better.  Contrary to the myth flying on an airliner is not a right but a privilege and it is one that is easily revoked. Since anyone can be corrupted and we can never know what truly lurks in the people's minds, even law enforcement and airport senior staff should not be exceptions. The airport policeman might be going through a bad divorce or be a deep seeded Al-Qaeda operative and be planning to plant a bomb on a plane.
In the mean time, since my sole personal income is derived from flying the plane I am stuck so I will either take my irradiation like a man or enjoy the airport personal massage and spa treatment.  My personal plan is to complain that my pat-downer lacked both enthusiasm and passion.  If they are really thorough we can go out and have a cigarette together afterwards.  Unless the public really stands up to this or quits flying (they will do neither) it is here to stay.  Did I mention I get gassy when I am tickled?  And I am VERY ticklish. 

Regardless there is no doubt about the loss of dignity in commercial aviation. Nowhere was this better summed up than in the episode of the Simpsons where Sideshow Bob (voiced by Kelsy Grammar) steals the Wright Flyer to make good an escape while making the following quote to Bart as they fly away: "Ah for the days when aviation was a gentleman's pursuit.  Back before every Joe sweat sock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and Jet off to Raleigh-Durham".

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